Welcome to tokoni

Here is what I believe needs to be addressed for the welfare and welbeing of women today.

"Today, under no fault laws, it is almost as easy for an American man to rid himself of an unwanted wife as for an Arab". Judge Lois G. Forer.

I though marrying an educated American man would protect me from that. I was wrong.

You get a divorce letter; you find out you do not have access to the family money anymore and that your personal savings account of many years has been emptied. Issue: banks allow a spouse (if studies were to be done it would proba bly show it's mostly men who do that) to withdraw, transfer or close family bank accounts. Other issue, courts do not require husbands to share the money taken away during marriage; althgouth were a woman to do that, she would probably have to (two sets of standards).

You have so little money but you don't get legal aid for some unknown reasons. You get a cheap lawer (against four on the opposite side) and you get mislead to the point where you loose your house, your money and even your children. You are so terrified to sleep in the streets, you beg people to let you sleep in their basement. You have so little money, you chose to eat stale crumbs for dinner. Issue: wifes of celebrities do get easily a fair share of marriage assets. Common women do not.

You have proof that you were the only one providing full time care to the children, yet husband is completely believed when he lies under oath about picking up kids at bus stop; previous statement being that work is from 8 to 5 without commuting time. Kids come home earlier. No one believes the woman. You don't drink, smoke, swear, abuse the kids in any way, but provide them with day long care, attention, love and affection yet, you because you are accused of criticizing previous administration for instance and because you are not as white as the husband, you lose custody of the children, despite contrary recommendations from children's therapist. Issue: court evaluators are biased and at time racists, especially against Arab women married to American men. However, white females from NY to NJ and other places have also suffered the same fate for no particular reason.

Issue: you lose your social status, you are not ready to jump right back into professional activities, if at all; you don't have the means, the motivation or the strength to go back to school. The school system loses free volunteers hours (three schools in my case), the church loses volunteer time. The kids lose the only loving and attentive care they ever have. Issue: Presidential commission a few years back found that girls from abusive relationships were most likely to fall themselves in the same vicious situation. Boys have 50% chances to become abusers themselves.

Issue: non payment of alimony or child support. In difficult divorces, it should be mandated to have husbands' salary garnished to avoid afflicting more pain.

These are some of the issues I would love to see resolved before my daughter gets to be a grandma.

There are so many of us, yet we are so powerless and things are still happening. We raided these white or not so white boys. We also bear a responsibility for what is happening to us. That does not mean we have to let it continue. We were not allowed to vote until one day... We were not allowed to speak until one day... We were not equal until one day...